Pride Wall

Just to let you know that I created a pride wall. Who dares to break in?

Pages Wasted

It was my year 2011.

I could have written wonderful stories and entries on my one year book of life but I found pages wasted on stories of despair, heartaches, frustrations, and mediocrity. I was a wanderer in the mountain – trying to walk on the chosen and best path but tend to be distracted by other ‘wonderful’ sites. So, I was a wanderer taking a longer path. The distraction is sometimes nice, beautiful, pleasurable, but painful. Painful are bearable, yes. But when you are hurt, too much hurt, it becomes unbearable.

So here are some share able thoughts I have from my 2011.

•  School and Full time Work at the Same Time is Hard. Praise God for the Graduate School, finally enrolled myself this school year! But graduate school and full-time work are equivalently hard. Don’t take the challenge if you don’t have the passion or calling.

• Mediocre mind results to mediocre performance. I had ‘revenge’ on my 2010 work’s performance. So, I set my mind to have a mediocre outputs. True enough – I got my expected rating by the end of the year.
   
• That I can climb a mountain. Had many affairs with the mountain this year – Mt. Pulag, Mt. Pico de Loro, Mt. Makiling. Oh, only three. Hahaha. But I had many camping after those mountains. And I super love camping. Mountains give me the feeling of being close to God’s loveliest creation. The simplicity of life when you don’t have all the easy pleasures of life. The laughter despite the struggle of climbing a mountain. The companions on reaching the same goal. Perfect!
   
• That beaches are good. But I couldn’t appreciate it at its fullest because of my inability to swim. So, I still prefer the idea of…sipping a hot coffee, sitting at the patch of grass, and just enjoying the scenery at the top of the mountain. But you can also do that on a front beach. Hahaha. But.

• That traveling is meaningless without great companions. I had my best travel because of companions who have the same interest, trips, game-na-game attitude, matipid…and the list goes on.
   
• I lost best of friends – for some unimaginable and unknown reason. They just walked out of my (best) friend zone. And they never came back. Different interest or change of heart?
   
• New friends are delicate, a treasure in the making.
   
• Family is a treasure. This is one of the challenging years for our family but we still dream and hope together despite the arguments and misunderstandings.
   
• Love shouldn’t be complicated.

• On every action, there is equal consequence.
   
• That I fail God lots of times but always come back to Him…asking for His grace and unconditional love.

But this year, I’m hopeful. Too hopeful for beautiful pages.

    

Let’s get mushy!

*That at some point you have to let go and it would be all worth it*

MANILA, Philippines — Neil Ronard Que saw a beautiful vision on a plane ride bound for Manila. While he was buckling his seatbelt, a few seats away, he saw her – a pretty Chinita girl wearing a purple Winnie the Pooh shirt. She was busy looking for her designated seat on the plane and trying to stow her luggage in the overhead bin.

Amidst the chaos inside the aircraft, with all the passengers trying to cram their way to their seats and trying to find a place for their bags, he only had his eyes on her beautiful face. He was so focused that he was so oblivious to the chaos around him.

But Neil didn’t have the guts to approach her and introduce himself. He could only admire her from afar, try to have a glimpse of her through the gaps between the seats.

One hour later, he went looking for her at the conveyor. Then he saw was her, pushing the cart where her luggage was neatly arranged and walking towards the exit.

It was certainly a lost chance. He was full of regrets for not having the courage to speak to her, or just to get her name. He knew it was a missed opportunity because he would never see her again. For what were the odds that he would meet her in this big city, filled with millions of people?

With a heavy heart, Neil picked up his luggage and headed to the waiting car that would drop him to the dormitory, his home for the next four years. He would be taking his tertiary education at the Ateneo de Manila University. He had just graduated from one of the prestigious high schools in Zamboanga City, and he decided to venture out and try his luck in the big city.

He went straight to his room and tried to sleep through his disappointment.

The following day, he went to the freshmen orientation at the university while still trying to shake off the overcast shadows looming over him. While trying to squeeze himself in the front row, he glanced up and… there she was. Standing a few feet away from him was the girl in the purple shirt on the plane.

Maybe it was fate, or God’s intervention, but heaven was on to something. Neil approached the girl and introduced himself. Her name was Melissa Tipoe.

But it wasn’t a start of a beautiful love story just yet, well, not for Melissa anyway. She didn’t like him and found him too arrogant. “Kapag nag-uusap kami, it was all about him and his experiences. So ‘di ko siya masyadong pinapansin,” shares Melissa.

She was trying to avoid him. But by a twist of fate, they ended up in one class. Although they had different courses, (Neil was taking up management economics while Melissa studied legal management), they both had a minor in marketing.

The good thing about being in the same class was that Melissa got to know Neil beyond the “I, Me, and Myself” stories he was sharing. Several conversations later, they discovered their unusual connection. They both grew up in Zamboanga City, but their paths never crossed. Melissa’s mother later told them that they were actually classmates in nursery, but they were too young to remember.

They studied in different schools and have different circles of friends. She was the Math Wizard in the school-based competitions in the province, while he would often join the Physics events. He joined the basketball league and competed with her school, but she wasn’t into sports.

Neil’s parents had rented one of the apartments owned by Melissa’s grandparents. And still, they didn’t meet each other back then. It was quite ironic that they met thousands of miles away from their small hometown in a big city where millions of people live.

Soon, romance blossomed. They went through college together as a couple. They were each other’s confidante for the next eight years, long after they had graduated and had established their own careers.

But some time in 2008, they came to a point in their lives when they didn’t know where to go and what to do with their relationship. “Eight years of getting to know each other is just too long. I felt like we were just dragging on. Aside from marketing and our Christian faith (both attend Victory Church), we didn’t have that much in common,” shares Neil.

Being a serious Christian, Neil asked for guidance from his pastor who told him that they had two options: to step up with their faith and get married or to shake hands and part ways. After much deliberation, Neil knew that it was time to part. “I wanted to fight for it, give it another try in a different aspect. Neil was adamant to end things,” says Melissa.

That time, Neil was in Palawan for work. After he got back, they decided to end their relationship. “Although it was painful, I did understand why things had to end. God has a purpose,” shares Melissa.

After a month, Neil realized that he wanted Melissa back in his life, but Melissa didn’t want him anymore. “I tried my best to win her back. She didn’t even want to see me. I asked her if she’s at peace, and she said yes. That’s when I conceded,” says Neil.

Months later, while they were attending church, Neil saw how Melissa had grown and transformed into a much better person and realized that Melissa was really The One.

“For the eight years that we were together, I saw many potentials but I was so limiting then. After a year of separation, I would see her in the church, and she was so blooming. I saw how she had matured. I noticed how she became so responsible with the way she handled the family and the responsibilities. I realized that I was the one limiting Melissa to reach her full potential. She couldn’t do what she wanted to do and accomplish things with her abilities because I was her cap,” says Neil.

From then on, Neil set his heart on marrying Melissa. “Every morning, every day for the next two years after we broke up, I would ask the Lord to give Melissa to me. The more I courted her, the more she was pushing me away. So, I told the Lord, ‘I’ll go after you. You told me that if I give my heart to you, you’ll give me everything. If I go after you, please give your daughter to me. I would pray, ‘Lord, I love Melissa. Please give her back to me,” every single day,” shares Neil.

In December of 2010, Neil wanted to surprise her. He brought her to a lunch buffet located in a hotel. All throughout the lunch, Neil had a hard time swallowing the food. He was even breaking into a sweat. From time to time, his phone would beep. She found it bastos.

But little did she know that all the texts he was receiving were words of encouragement from different people who were privy to his plan. That time, Neil meant to propose to her, despite the fact that they weren’t a couple anymore.

Then, it was time. Neil brought the ring out and told Melissa: “God called me to embark on a journey. Would you join me?”

Surprised, Melissa answered: “Thank you. But please, give me time to think about it.

January came. The church where they were part of has a tradition where everyone has to fast and contemplate about their life and faith. During that fasting time, Melissa had a dream. In that dream, God spoke to her about what her response would be to Neil’s proposal. After the fasting, Melissa said yes. They were married on July 16, 2011, at the Marriott Hotel. Today, they are busy with establishing their business, Jinbei Auto, in Cagayan de Oro where they decided to raise their future children.

ON THEIR RELATIONSHIP

He said: I realized that I don’t want someone who resembles me. It would be a boring life. Someone who complements me is all I need. Melissa complements me. All this time, I wanted her to think like me, act like me and be like me. But that’s not someone I want to marry. If I didn’t marry her, I wouldn’t know what I would do now, or where I would be. In marriage, you have to throw away the Hollywood notion of romance. Marriage is a partnership. Once, you work around that and put partnership into good use, you’ll have so much joy that romance simply can’t give.

She said: When we got married, Neil told me that he couldn’t offer me a luxurious life. I told him that I didn’t care. It would be nice to build our lives together. All the sacrifices we will do and the challenges we will overcome, they will all enrich our bond. Going through the ups and downs together will make our relationship much stronger, our lives more meaningful.

ON DISAGREEMENT AND MISUNDERSTANDING

He said: Enjoy the fights. It would make any couple stronger. But fight with respect. Hold your thoughts captive. If you let all the bad and disrespectful words, they would tumble down and snowball into something big and irreparable.

She said: We are always reminded that we have to work together and fight the battles together, not each other. Your partner is not your enemy.

Manila Bulletin official Twitter account: @manila_bulletin ( http://networkedblogs.com/pTU7T )

On New Friends

When I entered graduate school, I felt so alone. My co-elbi friends pursue MOS while I decided to pursue MS. While it was a brave attempt to pursue masters with a full time work, I was more emotionally challenged for being alone. I had an advanced thought of studying, doing assignments, and ranting about school stuff – alone.

Struggle nga ang mag-isa. But God would always be there (despite everything) and He gave me my masters friends.

For the last semester, I had only two subjects. Both are hardcore theories so God gave me hardcore two set of friends too. Naks! One group is my probability friends, they are such awesome gals and guys! Whenever we had an exam, we gather on the exam day at the Sanggumay dormitory and collaboratively help each other. They all speak Bisaya so I had to ‘force’ myself to understand them. My Bicolano lingo sometimes save me from shame but oftentimes is not enough! They are so sweet too! One friend wrote me a very long email, another gave me a birthday gift too. They are awesome-ness!

With real friends, realized I didn't have pics with my prob friends!

My real classmates (as in real ang subject) are awesome gals too! These gals had the worst and best things in life. They are my friends beyond the four corner of our classroom, where a super phlegmatic teacher teaches us. We ate together after class, text each other outside class, shares about mischief and craziness in life, celebrate hardships in school, and just do some crazy stuff. They are my pretty crazy classmates. Naalala ko pa one time na nangtrip kami ng isang crew sa greenwich and I really went home laughing so hard! And for the record, they text me more about non-school stuff rather than about our classes and lessons!

We all know that grad school is brain draining and patience stretcher. It can damage your brain cells and break your heart! But with friends full of awesomeness, graduate school spells as F-U-N!

Struggle

How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand… there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold. -LOTR.

Lights and rides have been set-up already at the QC Circle. It brings back old good memories.

To Finish or To Finish!

I didn’t go home this long weekend because I don’t feel the urge to go home! Hahaha. It started last year when I spend this long break alone. I just felt nothing special with halloween and we didn’t have traditions at home (but that’s a different story to tell).

So, instead the choleric in me planned for GRAD school subject/curriculum. So should I force myself (with too much effort and energy) to finish the course in two years. Yun ay may pagkafeeling superwoman talaga ako. But the reality is I’m not. There are always delays. And that is when you throw questions to God with so many WHYs! Ironically, sometimes you are throwing questions with known answer like maybe an obedience or patience or learning more your craft.

I hate delays – who wants this anyway. Specially, the choleric people! When they plan out something, it should at least be followed. Before I entered grad school, I planned my remaining tenure in the office, the subjects I would take every year and masters graduation. So, I was working hard (doble kayod, yeah!) just to fulfill both responsibilities of being employee and a student.Both have great responsibilities and demands time. So, I travel less, cry less, love and care less (joke!)…my point is I channeled my extra energy and time from work to studying. Come on, I would look forward on holidays and weekends to have more time on studying and steal some moments of unwinding.

Ayoko ng mumble na naman yung laman ng entry ko. Pero pasensya na. This season of my life is the hardest season in my entire professional career! Hahaha. (Kung baga nung parang graduating lang ako and I was choosing between manila and elbi, ok…manila won leaving my good and comfortable life behind!). This is the hardest dude, more than the escalations or the problem record (with highest PR age, lol!) because this concerns my life!!! My life for the next 2-3 years. While some people travel (nakarami na rin naman ako rito pag stable n lng uli), my energy and money are devoted to GRAD school. Wag ng gawing issue ang choice of school or course ko, tama na yan e. Minus the idea na dapat ba na nagGRAD school ako kasi alam ko na tamang andito ako sa grad school ngayon. So, ano na talaga ang dilemma ko?

To finish grad school in 2 years or 3 years! And yes, to finish it or to finish! Hahaha. Oh, come on! Thoughts?

Meanwhile, first sem ends!

thanks!

Few hours before my birthday, thankyouverymuch!

It’s not that I am so happy, giggly, and excited because it’s my birthday. I just don’t feel the same hype I had for my past birthdays. I am not happy today and I’m expecting same thing tomorrow. The days before my birthday are just so emotional, sad, and frustrating.

I wrote an article on my personal notebook which are kinda full of rants about less personal greetings and more generic fb/twitter greetings, the missing flowers, givers, singing friends with the special cake, and the relationship that are weakening through the years.

I am sad today and I’m not looking forward for tomorrow too.

But yes, I am hoping that next year would be better, a great testimony in the making.

Trials and Temptations

On trials and temptations:

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
9 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. 10 But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created

James 1:2-18

Just when you thought that the world would collapse right in front of you while watching your dreams, family, and relationships fall apart…God bless us with tests, surprises, and blessings making us stronger through our faith.

God bless us all!

Price Tags

Think with me for a moment.

Let’s say the world was one big shopping mall, and you were in charge of valuation, how would you price things? What would a great life be worth? What about friendship? What about peace of mind? What about the feeling of sand on your feet? What would cost more, a successful career or a lifetime of rest? How much for a little silence? How much for an assurance of love? What would be more valuable to a child, secure finances brought about by working extra or a secure soul from more time with her parents?

Everything costs something but not everything is priced right.

Source: http://davidbonifacio.com/davidbonifacio/2009/12/15/price-tags/

Boat Ride

It was a cloudy day, not much different with several others. Although, the sun is there, it is hidden by patches of gray clouds on the vast blue sky. Giant ocean waves are crashing violently against the beach leaving in its wake a thunderous spray. But in spite our heavy bags filled with camping gears, cooking set, noodles and canned foods, to our simple phones-turned-music player and digicams, we are all set to bravely conquer reaching the cove amidst the sea’s state.

Sitting in front of the boat rolling against the waves is like a bumpy roller coaster ride. With a wide view of the ocean, I feel as if I’m the only one chartering an unknown destination. With the cold sea breeze enveloping me, I close my eyes, grip the sides of the boat and wish that the destination is worth all the troubles anyway.

By the time the boat reaches the calm portion of the ocean, I thought a smooth ride would finally start. But then the engine stops. The boatmen started speaking an incomprehensible dialect and attempted to restart the engine several times. I felt so scared but your reminder to relax gave me an assurance that the situation is under control.

After few adjustments of the engine, it finally restarted. My fear dissipated and I went back to closing my eyes and tightly gripping the side of the boat. A few minutes later, I glanced at you. I saw you sitting comfortably. Your eyes were widely open and your hands were loosely positioned at the sides.

I tried to do what you do; I opened my eyes and loose my grip. Then I saw the beautiful clear line that divides the muddy brown and oceanic bluish color. I started seeing other boats of different sizes manned by brave fishermen. I saw the fisherman who caught a big fish, the numerous waterfalls that grace the sides of the mountain we are passing by and the crashing of waves against the breakwater.

From time to time, I close my eyes to prevent the salt water to get to my eyes. Sometimes, I put back my tight grip when the waves are crashing so hard on our boat. Sometimes, I glanced at you and soundlessly whisper my thoughts. And most of the time, I just dream that a beautiful destination awaits you and me after the ride.

After an hour of rolling with the waves, we were finally closing in on the cove. The boatmen gave us instruction to hold on. The boatmen waited for the best time to ride a certain giant wave and as daring as it sound, we rode the wave in order to get near the island. After few moments, I saw two men along the shore with their dogs that seem to be eagerly waiting for our arrival.